I have decided that I have several  problems which are preventing me from losing weight.  Some of which are:

 – I’m lazy

– I don’t think when I eat

– I can’t seem to stick to anything for very long

– and I’m an emotional eater – When I feel down about myself I eat, when I feel good about myself I start thinking about what I eat and exercise etc.

I’m obviously not feeling too good about myself these days.  I’m the fattest I’ve ever been (not pregnant) and I feel like I look like crap.  It’s doesn’t help that my husband said something to me last night that he thought was funny but it hurt my feelings so bad I couldn’t even speak.  We were watching “The Office” last night and he called me Phyllis.  Now Phyllis is the very large woman who Dwight often makes fun of.  I told husband that he might as well have called me a big fat pig….I told him that I wish I was Phyllis because in the show her husband loves her no matter what(fat or not).  He apologized and said it was a joke but I told him that I would have never said anything like that to him and why wouldn’t that hurt my feelings.  I know my husband loves me but I also know that he wants me to lose weight…hell I want to lose weight too but when you hurt me I feel bad about myself and then what do I do?  I eat….

Seems almost every man I have been with has made comments if I gained a little weight.  This is probably why I am as big as I am.  Well that and the fact that you tend to eat more when someone takes you out to eat all the time or you start cooking to impress someone…..But it’s like opposite day…you say something about the weight…..I gain more.

I am miserable about being this size.  I can’t use the excuse that I just had a baby because he’s three….I’m not pregnant anymore so that’s no excuse either….I just can’t seem to MAKE myself get motivated….It also doesn’t help that my knees and feet are hurting (yes I know that probably wouldn’t if I lost weight)

There is a trip coming up in a couple of weeks, a conference in San Antonio and I guess I’ll just have to go there fat…..Not exactly how I want to represent my chapter but it’s who I am right now…..

Can you tell I’m feeling sorry for myself.  It also doesn’t help that I just tried on a bathing suit…..