Today I was officially 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant…a time when most women start to feel a sigh of relief for your chances of miscarriage go way down even at my age.  Today was also my appt at UAB for my First Trimester Screening.  I was really excited because they might even be able to tell the sex.  Naturally I had already told most of my colleagues and friends that I was pregnant and was hoping to share even more news tomorrow at work.

When they began the ultra sound I thought something was wrong and I was right.  My baby had stopped growing about 3 weeks ago and I didn’t even know anything was wrong.  The doctor told me he had some bad news and that there was no heartbeat…..which I could tell as I looked at the screen.  I could not get out of there quick enough.

There was almost complete silence on the two hour drive home except for my tears.  I am so disappointed.  I was beginning to get used to the idea of another child and planning for the future…even thinking about names and my hopes of getting my girl this time.

Sure I didn’t think I could even get pregnant again and was content to have just one but with the actual prospect waving in front of me I secretly smiled inside even though my exterior self talked about not being excited yet.

I guess this is it for me.  I’m 43 years old and have had 3 miscarriages.  I’ll call the doctor here tomorrow and I guess schedule a D&C.  This may take a little while to get over this time.