My husband and I didn’t exchange gifts this year.  After spending thousands of dollars on a new kitchen and two new bathrooms plus needing a new mattress very soon…we decided not to exchange gifts this year.  Afterall, this would be little boy’s first Christmas where he might really get in to it (which he did).

The day of Christmas I was feeling very tired and pretty much had not left the house until yesterday morning.  I have had a few “woman” issues and had wondered if I might happen to be entering into the next phase of my life.  I had had a lot of the symptoms and my cycles had been off lately so I figured that was my problem. ….I had not had a period in 35 days….a common symptom of peri-menapause along with moodiness, insomnia, cycle change etc.  But I had to know it wasn’t something else so I sent the husband to the store for a pregnancy test.

And so what did I get for Christmas?…..a positive.  OMG.  How could this happen?  I’m 43!  I can’t be pregnant!  Needless to say I called the doctor’s office first thing this morning.  My doctor is not in this week but they will call in a prescription for some different blood pressure meds plus I go for bloodwork this afternoon.  I’m fully aware that I will more than likely mis-carry since I’ve mis-carried before but still I’m really stressed right now.  Talk about life-altering!

It’s not that I don’t want another child but like I said I’m 43 years old, overweight, high blood pressure, knees going out, out of shape and had assumed since we had trouble carrying to term without help that my baby days were over.  I refused to take my doctor up on his suggestion to get my tubes tied last year.  Although I knew I probably shouldn’t try again, I liked the idea that I could if I wanted to.

So now we wait until I can see the doctor and see what’s going on.  I really wanted to find out this week but they want me to wait till he returns.  My appointment is next friday unless they call me after seeing the bloodwork.  We have not told anybody (in real life) because basically we are both still in shock plus the fear of miscarriage and possible other complications….not to mention my mom is going to freak!  She worried so much about me when I got pregnant before….not only me physically but me mentally as well.

I guess I’m sorta just waiting for the other shoe to drop….either I’m going to miscarry in the next few weeks or I’m going to start that roller coaster ride of a high-risk-advanced-age-pregancy….

I never liked Roller Coasters…..