I had my yearly ob/gyn exam this morning.  I’d been putting it off but knew it needed to be done.  I always dread those.  There is nothing worse than having a practical stranger with his face down there in my “woman territory”.  It just always makes me feel funny.

When I arrived at the appt and was sitting in the waiting room, a young lady (maybe mid to late-20’s) came out of the exam area and sat down next to an older lady.  She carried a bag of informational pamphlets and promptly showed it to her mother with a smile on her face.  Evidently she’d found out she was pregnant and this was her first appointment.  I sat there and smiled to myself remembering my first appointment there when I first found out.  I was then called back to get my weight taken and blood samples.  It was funny when they asked what medications.  This year has taken a toll on my body…..instead of saying I’m not taking any I had to a list…..

Thankfully it was over pretty quickly.  My doctor asked if everything was going okay and I did mention my PMS and he said to cut out caffeine and start exercising.  I knew this but it’s hard to give up tea and cokes….maybe my husband will just have to suffer.  It’s mostly just irritability anyways :-).  Before he came back in to tell me everything looked okay,  I heard him in the next room congratulating someone who just found out they were pregnant.  When he came in my room room I told him I over heard and that I missed being pregnant.  He asked was I wanting to get pregnant and I said I guess not since I am 42 years old.  Not three seconds later he produces a pamphlet on getting your tubes tied…I was a little taken back but told him I’m not trying but if it happens it happens……… 

As I was checking out, there were three women in front me (or should I say a woman and two girls…high school maybe but I couldn’t really tell).  Evidently one of the girls just found out she was pregnant (may have been the one I overheard).  I concluded she was in school when she asked for a note to get her out of class for her next appt.  I also concluded this by the fact that the older woman paid then asked the receptionist for information about WIC.

Okay this is where I know I’m having a PMS problem but then again this kinda pisses me of anyways…..I actually teared up.  I teared up because I kept thinking to myself …..”I’ll be damned…here I was trying for years to have a baby….going through two miscarriages until I finally had one and now I’m at the point where I may not be able to have another.  Here is me and my husband with good jobs and stable income and ask for no help or assistance from anyone (especially the government)……and here is this CHILD, this child in school……….having a baby.  I’m thinking here is this mom bringing her child to the ob doctor for a pregnancy…where was she when this child needed birth control!?

I actually left the doctor’s office in tears and thankfully no one saw me.  As I left I felt silly but it is still a valid reason to be upset.  I also thought about a co-worker of mine who has two foster children and is planning on adopting them.  The children’s mother may cause a problem though because if she gives them up…she won’t get as much money from the system.  She already has several children and I believe is pregnant again.  These are the people who have no trouble getting pregnant………….

Shopping was the only thing that settled me down then I came home and made me some cookies.  As for giving up caffeine to help with PMS….well it’s too late this month…..I’m in the full throws of it………..watch out hubby 🙂

I’m not sure if  I’m too old for another baby.  What I went through took a toll and at my age I’m not sure I can go through that again so I haven’t even tried.  It does make me sad to think that little boy will probably be an only child.  I guess we’ll see what is in store.