It’s Saturday night…..

and I’m bored.  My husband went to spend the night with his mom.  I was not too thrilled about that especially since I wasn’t sure when he was going to tell me about it.  He got a call from who I thought was his mother (caller ID said her phone) and I heard him say I’ll be there.  This was earlier Friday evening.  Then about 10:15 while I was watching the news I asked him about the phone call and THAT’s when he told me he had to go to his mom’s Saturday afternoon and spend the night.  I got mad because #1 thanks for telling me this and #2 Sunday morning is when I get up at the crack of dawn and drive to the next town and take my mother grocery shopping.  I do this every other weekend.  The call ended up being from his 13 year old nephew who has been staying with her so she wouldn’t be alone.  He had a soccer game Saturday then wanted to go roller skating so he called my husband to see if he could stay with her….but still my husband should have said something to me right then in my opinion….

I’m probably not being reasonable being mad and I’m probably being selfish and resentful but I can’t help how I feel.  I don’t mind as much that he goes over there to help out and spend the night but his siblings have no sense of organization or planning.  I don’t like these last minute decisions that he has to spend the night…especially with stuff going on in our own life….I told him this morning that I needed him too (yes I’m selfish).

I truly don’t know what’s going on in his family either.  I know they don’t communicate very well and they’ve all come up with sob stories about not having money to help out with their money (so it falls on my husband).  Heck even the eldest brother who has two kids in private school and he just got back from a ski trip is whining about helping…..Then there is the youngest sibling who he and his stupid wife are  living off student loans and grants and not working (and they have three young kids) who no one has seen in a week (lots of problems there).  It’s just a total mess….

I can’t fault my husband for wanting to be there for his mother.  I’m glad he does.  I never thought he was that close to his mom so this is nice.  I would never stop him either….heck I just want some notice….

He’s lucky that I  won’t be doing my shopping Sunday after all.  We are expecting some winter weather (yeah right) so we decided to wait till next weekend.  The rain at least slacked off for a while today so I was able to take little boy to see his Nana and that’s when I told my mom all about husband spending the night and weather or not how I wouldn’t be able to get there as early having to get boy up and around by myself.

After a visit with Nana, we get home and are confronted by a black man selling some type of cleaner.  He had this big spill about how he’s going to the local junior college and trying to do better for himself etc etc then he demonstrated his product.  Seemed like a good cleaner but I asked for the bottom line.  Well first…with my senior discount (yes I said senior discount) (strike one)I could get two bottles of this concentrate cleaner for $70….then he said he would cut me a deal and one bottle would be $34.  Then he tells me he has only one bottle left (then why offer me two?) First I tell him I’m not a senior and he says “you’re 50 right?’……uh no…..(strike two)……Oh but since someone in my family has to be 50 he would still offer me a discount.  I was getting tired of this already.  The weather had turned cold and little boy didn’t have his jacket on and we were trying to get into the house.  I politely said I didn’t need any but good luck.  He then started talking about my neighbors buying some and I said “well I can’t always do what my neighbors do”.  He started to gather all his things and by this time a lady came up who was with him and evidently had still been over at the neighbors.  He then started jabbering on about people not willing to help others out, tax payers dollars, hard working people etc (strike three) and that’s when I got mad.  I told him “I’m not not buying your product to “not help you out”…I just don’t need it.  I think I pissed him off…..Geez it wasn’t like I was purposely trying to bring the man down……I did not need any cleaner and if I did I would pay $34 for it…..I don’t care how good it was.  He finally left.  I also don’t like people cornering me as I get out of my car.  I don’t usually answer the door when someone I don’t know comes to the door.  We don’t get that many door to door salesmen in my neighborhood..just the occasional girl or boy scout.

Little boy and I  came on in the house and spent our evening watching Batman Forever, part of Spiderman 3 and then part of Charlotte’s Web (cartoon version) and after three costume changes…Buzz Light year, spiderman, then back to Batman….little boy finally let me put him to bed at 9pm. 

I’m tired.  It’s been a long day.  It will be hard sleeping alone.    I feel better knowing husband is nearby.

Handy Manny I am not……

Today I decide to install my new peg board for my scrapbook room.  After reading all about how to do it and observing the peg board I already had put up in there I began my work.

First off I had to find some pieces of wood to use with the screws so that the peg board would not be flush with the wall.  This is needed so that the pegs can actually go into the holes.  So I had bought some wooden sticks and got the saw and cut them up into pieces…perfect.

Then I got into the garage and get my husbands drill and the bits and come upstairs and decide I need to drill holes in my sticks.  I had already gotten the level and decided where my first piece of pegboard would go and marked the holes in the walls.

So I’m down in the floor trying to drill holes in these sticks and no matter what bit I try it is not going through this wood.  I thought about calling husband and asking him which bit to use but decided against it.  So I kept trying for about 15 minutes then decided I’d move on to drilling holes in the wall..afterall drywall wasn’t so bad but then I decided to change the bit to a screw driver bit and try and screw a screw in.  That’s when I realized the drill was in reverse…………when I changed the setting..of course I could drill holes.  I felt so stupid and am glad I didn’t call my husband…LOL

So the peg board is now up and I’m starting to go through and organize my stuff.  It’s going to take awhile to get totally done since I also need to weed through my closet area and get rid of some stuff plus move the treadmill out of that room.  At least now I will be able to find all my stuff to pack for the scrapbook retreat.

Which reminds me……when I delivered my retreat deposit to my friend I noticed a catalog on her desk from a company I had never heard of called Close to my Heart .  I really liked the looks of some of the products and the ideas were great too.  My Friend tells me later that one of the gals going on the retreat just signed up to be a distributor and she might even teach a class on the retreat.  Cool beans!

Buying the Book Does Not Burn Calories

I bought the latest Biggest Loser diet and exercise book today.  I always enjoy and am inspired when I watch the show so I thought I would check out the book.  It also didn’t hurt that I saw some pictures of myself from my last luncheon meeting which totally made me realize I have to do something.  The pictures were horrible and I was so upset and embarrassed by them….I have gotten so fat!  It’s very obvious how fat I am because you can see it in my face…or chins….

The books seems to have a lot of recipes and exercises in it.  The main key is taking the time to change your life…something I have not done.  I always have excuses…..that’s why everything in my life is in turmoil….excuses excuses.

This weekend is grocery shopping weekend so I plan on really making a list and buying more healthy foods and taking the time to plan my meals. 

I’m also hoping my heel will not get flared up again so I can actually start walking.  I’m so bad.  Somebody wanted me to walk over to the other building and help them plus I needed to walk over and see my friend and give her my deposit for the scrapbook retreat and I made EXCUSES for both because I didn’t want to walk over there.  My foot was hurting and walking too much does make me cramp still but the fact that I made excuses and got out of it was very bad of me. 

I wish the fact that I bought this diet book would help my situation but alas it does not.  I found that out when I bought “You on a Diet”…….never even finished it and didn’t do a darn thing it said.  I’ll try and do better with this one.

Scrapping Our life

My scrapbook retreat is about a month away and I’ve been thinking about what all I should bring and the fact that I need to go through all my pictures and print out the pictures I want as well as think about the sizes to print.  I sat down with a bunch of scrapbook magazines and hopefully that will inspire me.

As I looked at some of the layouts it came to me……I need to scrap more pictures of our life.  Most of my pages have been of little boy.  I completely have overlooked my husband, the cats, my dogs, other family members, and even myself!  I found tons of ideas from these magazines.

When I first started scrapbooking I scrapped almost every picture I took.  Most of these were from when my husband and I first got together.  They aren’t very fancy scrapbook pages…beginning scrapper that I was..but they told the story of our life….and did it in a little bit of a more fancy way than just a bunch of pictures in an album.  When little boy came along all my pages were of just him…They were more artsy and were highlight just him  and not that anything was wrong with that but it’s like we were completely OUT OF THE PICTURE…..

Scrapbooks are suppose to tell the story of OUR lifes…..our whole family.

So hopefully during my retreat I can get back to scrapping our lifes….as well as that precious little boy who is at the center of it.

Re-organizing the scrapbook room is also inspiring me again.  It’s funny how you buy stuff to use then completely forget about it because you have so much as it is.  I keep wanting my scrapbook room to be perfect but I need to realize…it’s better to be a place I enjoy and can find all my stuff than some fancy room I can show off on my blog….LOL.

Decluttering my house and life…

Thursday when I was home I watched Oprah and it had the guy on there that declutters homes.  There was on single gal they featured who had a small apartment in Harlem or NYC and her place was absolutely terrible.  It was not just cluttered but there was garbage laying everywhere.  I remember Oprah just being appalled to see this and the declutter guy said this is more common than one might think.  I was embarrassed for this girl for her life style to be seen like this.

The show inspired me because one of the things they talked about was cleaning up the clutter and how the clutter is a reflection of what’s going on with your life.  I can totally relate to that. 

My downstairs is fairly clutter-free.  Yeah there are a few of little boy’s things that he leaves out and sometimes we leave mail and junk on the breakfast bar but otherwise it is acceptable for visitors.  The upstairs and the place where was spend most of our time is a major clutter zone.  I’m overwhelmed up there most of the time.  I don’t think I’m one of the crazy hoarders but I do have a lot of stuff.

After seeing the Oprah show I walked around my upstairs as if I had a camera crew right there and tried to view my rooms the way a stranger would.  In my mind I went over…”okay this room I’m trying to re-decorate” or this room doubles as a craft room and my closet” etc.  I was surprised at myself to be honest.  I’ve been working on those rooms for over a year and keep getting overwhelmed.  I would start on one room and then not finish before trying to start another.  So now they are all a mess!  First we have the master bedroom which I started painting back in the summer (got one wall primed) and the plan is to move the furniture in there into the computer room. Once the furniture is moved out we’ll be buying a new mattress and maybe a nice grown up chest of drawers and maybe a chair.  I’ve always heard your master bedroom should be your sanctuary.  Ours is not and is also a place where little boy likes to bring his toys and dump them.  Not to mention my husband leaves clothes laying around.   The computer room which was going to be a nursery has now gone back to being the computer room/guest room and I would like to put some order to it.  Right now it’s a mess with odds and ends of furniture, the ironing board and my husband’s bike.  There is a bed in there which I sleep in sometimes because I can’t sleep on our mattress anymore.  The little boy’s room I finally got finished painting it a few weeks ago and am waiting to get him a race car bed.  Meanwhile I have it torn apart and not fully decorated yet.  Then there is the craft room which has been painted but I’m in the process of getting the treadmill moved out and trying to re-organize it AGAIN.  This room also houses a wire shelf full of t-shirts and jeans etc and a chest of drawers plus a big walk in closet FULL of clothes…some of which I can wear.  I want this space to be a space I can enjoy spending time crafting in.

We are also planning on getting new carpet at least on the stairs, hallway and the master bedroom.  When we had the remodeling done last summer they absolutely ruined our carpet.  I made the mistake of getting “not the best” quality of carpet on the stairs anyways..not realizing you need a certain grade for such high traffic areas.  Plumbers grease and dirt did not help matters.

After the show was over I wrote down a list of the things I needed to do to declutter my upstairs and when husband arrived home I begged him to commit to me his promise to help me do it.  Of course all he could say was most of the extra stuff was mine….which is true but I told him that I realized this but I can’t do everything myself.

Our first thing on my list was to move one of my craft tables that I don’t think I’ll use into the garage.  There is a neighborhood yard sale coming up in April which will be perfect timing for cleaning out stuff we don’t use.  I am also planning on getting rid of all the baby things I have held on to.  I don’t believe I’ll be needing those things anymore and if by some chance we do…I’ll buy more then.  The next thing on my list was to move the treadmill downstairs and out of my craft room.  I’m still recovering from my surgery so that may have to wait a couple of days because that think is big and heavy.  Moving the treadmill to a place where I might actually use will not only help my craft room get decluttered but will hopefully help me physically as well.

It’s going to take awhile but if we just get a few things started I think it will really help.  I can certainly see where decluttering my house will help declutter my life somewhat….I can certainly see where I would feel better and not so overwhelmed with life if I had a more organized home.

It’s Done….

My D&C was on Friday.  We got the Surgery Center at 11:30am because they nurse thought my doctor might be done with his noon procedure early.  My surgery was scheduled at 1 and we went back around 12:30.  I think I started to tear up while sitting in the waiting room.  It was the anticipation of the whole thing I guess.  When I got called back to pre-op and got in my gown  and they settled me in and asked all the questions they have to ask….that’s when I really started crying.  They have to ask you what procedure will be done on you today.  Just saying the words D&C made me sad.  I got asked three times.  That along with my name and birthdate.

I asked the nurse would I be getting something to calm me down before I went in and she said they can certainly do that.  Everyone there was really nice and took very good care of me.  The anesthesiologist came in to ask the questions they ask. She was really nice and it was a pleasant surprise to have such a friendly face.  She wore a flower surgeon cap which made me smile.  I remember thinking to myself that usually those type doctors are nerdy or old…LOL.

After my doctor came in and talked to husband and I a bit, the antithesia nurses came in and gave me some happy juice and oxgen and the next thing I remember I was waking up in recovery.  I think I was there for 45 minutes.  They gave me some crackers and sprite and gave me a pain pill along with morphine in my IV.  When I was ready, they helped me get dressed and wheeled me out to my waiting husband.

I had told husband that when we were done I wanted a Starbucks Carmel frappaciano because I had not had anything to eat or drink since 11 the night before.  I opted for a Mcdonalds happy meal just to get some food into my stomach.  When we got home I got ready for bed and tried to go to sleep.  I think I slept a little but woke up when husband arrived back home with my medicine and little boy.

Little boy was upset with me for some reason when he arrived home and wouldn’t have anything to do with me for a little while.  He finally warmed up to me.  Not sure if it was because I didn’t pick him up or the fact that I was in bed in a dark room when he got home.  It was just weird the way he acted.

I took a pain killer and tried to go back to bed but everytime I would does off I started itching……really bad.  We looked online and some sites said that was an allergic reaction to the pain killers but then others said that that was a common side effect and didn’t particularly mean an allergic reaction.  Something  about percaset (or however you spell it)  releasing histamines which will cause itching.  Six hours later I took another one and the itching was not as bed.  I wasn’t able to really sleep until the later dose.

The bleeding has stopped and I am actually feeling pretty good.  It’s not that I’m not still sad but with the D&C behind me and the constant reminder of what had happened, the bleeding, being over with, I could finally get my thoughts together and get on with it.

I wasn’t suppose to drive for 24 hours so this morning my husband took little boy and I to Target to pick up a few things.  I’ve been pain free most of the time with the help of the pain killer so I was pretty much able to carry on as usual.

I’ll go back to work Monday and everything should get back to normal…on the surface anyways…………….

Emotional Shopping

It’s really not good for a vulnerable gal who is also a scrapbooker to be left home alone and have access to the QVC channel. I just happened to flip by QVC’s Memories Direct anniversary show and although I didn’t need these…I bought them anyways.

I bought the button ones. They might be easier to use than real buttons. I have to start stocking up and getting ideas since my scrapbook weekend is coming up in about a month or so.

Oh well…..I shop when I’m sad or vulnerable. It’s like some people eat when something is wrong. I spend money. It could be worse. now wait…I eat too. Thankfully we don’t have any Little Debbie cakes in the house.

Crying Wolf

This morning as I lay in the bed clutching my self because I was having a pretty bad cramp I noticed my husband was sorta ignoring me as he was getting himself and boy ready.  I said..

“Can I ask you something?”  “Do I whine and say I’m sick or don’t feel good so often that you never really know when it’s really true?”

He laughed and said…”Well….yeah sorta” and then I realized that yeah I probably do whine alot.  I know I use the excuse that I have a headache or don’t feel good when I want him to tend to little boy when little boy is whiny…it’s almost unconscious.

I then told him “Well I want you to know that I really am this time….in pain”

Don’t think that husband is being insensitive.  I’m sure it is hard to tell what I’m feeling right now both physically and mentally.  I’ve been trying to carry on like nothing has happened but then I get these periodic pains and cramps then I know I have to slow down.  I have also cried until I can’t cry anymore.

I’m staying in again today.  I have to remember not to eat or drink anything after midnight tonight.  I’m just ready to get it all over with.  With my first D&C four years ago I didn’t bleed much afterwards and I hope it’s the same with this one.  I want to move on.